Friday, May 27, 2011

2010-11 Player Review: The Numerous Exploits of Mario Balotelli

Mario Balotelli had quite the interesting year following his switch from Inter Milan to Manchester City over the summer. The troubled 20-year-old Italian never ceases to amaze with his on and off the field antics. Lets see what Super Mario was up to:

Aug. 13, 2010: Mario Balotelli signs for Manchester City. The transfer fee was £24m. The move represents a new start for the troubled young striker, whose year's at Inter were marred with controversy. A new chapter opens in the life of Super Mario.

Sept. 25, 2011: The 20-year-old gets pulled over by police with £25,000 cash in his car...when asked why he is carrying so much money, Balotelli responds: "Because I'm rich."

Oct. 2, 2010: Balotelli and his brother drive into a women's prison. Reports state the Balotelli brothers saw the gate open and never imagined they would need a permit to drive up to the front door. After being recognized, the officers let the two off. The police commented that both seemed to be particularly intrigued by the fact that it was a women's prison. Balotelli's reasoning for the breif visit: "I told my brother: 'Do you want to see a prison?' Then I went in."

Oct. 3, 2010: Super Mario returns to Italy and flips off supporters at a match between Inter and Juventus.

Dec. 21, 2010: Balotelli named best young player in Europe and expresses extreme confusion at who his second place adversary is:
"What's his name? Wil ... ? No, I don't know him, but the next time I play against Arsenal I will keep a close eye on him. Perhaps I can show him about the Golden Boy trophy and remind him that I won it."
His name is Jack Wilshere.

Jan. 18, 2011: Super Mario takes a dig at Manchester United's Wayne Rooney, claiming: "He [Rooney] is a very good player but not the best [striker] in Manchester."

Jan. 19, 2011: Cristiano Ronaldo, jealous that Mario commands the headlines, tells Balotell to "speak less and play more."

March 10, 2011: Blades of grass cause the young Italian to be withdrawn from City's first leg knockout match with Dynamo Kiev after 57 minutes. Allergic to grass as a footballer? You might be in the wrong profession, Mario.

March 17, 2011: Balotelli struggles to put on his training bib...for about two minutes:

March 17, 2011 cont'd: Edin Dzeko makes fun of Mario Balotelli's bib problem:

You know you are foolish when a tall, awkward, doofus is making fun of you and getting laughs out of it.

March 17, 2011 cont'd: With a bib on mind, Balotelli destroys Man City's European hope by getting a straight red in the 36th minute of the second leg knockout match against Kiev, after a chest-high lunge. How did Coach Roberto Mancini react? "He [Mancini] called me an idiot. He shouted that he wished he'd never signed me." Sick burn.

March 21, 2011: Mario admits to Italian national team coach Cesare Prandelli the he "needs help" because he always ruins everything, but cares about being in La Nazionale. Aww.

March 25, 2011: While dining in a posh city centre restaurant, Balotelli notices Wayne Rooney's alleged hooker...and says hi by yelling "ROONEY, ROONEY" across the restaurant, before approaching the woman and blowing a raspberry in the face of her companion.

March 27, 2011: Balotelli throws darts at Manchester City's Youth Team players through a first floor window at the club's training complex because he is "bored." Gotta do somethin' when you're bored!

April 6, 2011: The play-maker challenges several bouncers outside of a Manchester night club, continually goading and laughing at them, until one of them hit his Maserati repeatedly with a metal torch.

April 16, 2011: Following the club's crucial win over city rivals Man Utd in the FA Cup Semifinal, Balotelli raucously celebrates in a taunting manner in front of United's faithful.

April 20, 2011: Luck strikes Balotelli at a local casino, earning him a cool £25,000, of which he gives £1,000 to a homeless man outside on the street

April 25, 2011: The young Italian accrues parking fines of over £10,000 for having his car impounded over 27 times. Club staff report having to retrieve Balotelli's Maserati time and again out of the impound lot, as he will "drive from his luxury apartment to a restaurant a few streets away and leave the car on double yellows," for instance.

May 8, 2011: Balotelli retracts earlier statement about Rooney:
“When I was at Inter I saw Rooney and I didn’t think he was a really, really good player. But now I see Manchester United matches properly, I think he is one of the best."

May 9, 2011: After learning an autograph seeker is being bullied, Mario drives the young lad to his school and demands a meeting with the headteacher. After discovering the bullies identity, Balotelli makes the two shake hands.

May 14, 2011: Following City's FA Cup final victory, the ever-so-tactful striker curses on live TV:

May 23, 2011: Mario baffles club officials by requesting that pet dog Lucky, a black Labrador, join him atop Manchester City's celebratory bus during the FA Cup trophy parade.

May 23, 2011: Balotelli wins City's Young Player of the Year award, but fails to show up to the ceremony, forcing Micah Richards to awkwardly accept the award on his behalf.

May 24, 2011: Balotelli and Lucky skip Man City's FA Cup trophy parade.

Season Long: Over the year, Balotelli collected fines over £300,000 and had training ground bust ups with Carlos Tevez, Jerome Boateng, and Vincent Kompany.

This explains what Roberto Mancini has dealt with this season
I'm not even making this up! Mario Balotelli is hilarious. Is anyone else waiting to see this reality TV show? All in all, I would say the young Italian is just that: young. But lets hope he continues his ridiculous antics in the future.

Mario, I'm a fan.


  1. May 23, 2011: Mario baffles club officials by requesting that pet dog Lucky, a black Labrador, join him atop Manchester City's celebratory bus during the FA Cup trophy parade.

    May 24, 2011: Balotelli and Lucky skip Man City's FA Cup trophy parade.

    crying with laughter..

  2. In the news throughout those articles all they talked about was how sad Balotelli was that his dog lucky had to stay in Italy for 6 months on quarantine...then when they were reunited, he was so happy. He's hilarious.

  3. And a few days ago the back heel against some US team