Friday, January 14, 2011

10 Big Babies in World Football

Ahh my leg...Ahhh my stomach...Ahhhh my life! The utterance of a football baby.

What's worse than seeing a player sulking up and down the pitch, wailing their arms at a no-call, tantrum style, or flopping to the ground at the slightest contact? These embarrassing gestures have forced Sensible Soccer to take action and identify 10 Big Babies in World Football. I present to you:

 Didier Drogba Chelsea
No man at 6'2, 190lbs should look as though they've been shot out of a cannon upon any sort of contact (see above photograph). Unfortunately, Drogba ignites the gunpowder of his embellishment cannon quite often. Shame on such an excellent player who can have an impact without such antics.

Rivaldo Mogi Mirim EC
Rivaldo has provided us with two incredible sights in our lifetime: 1) an extraordinary bicycle kick that sailed into the back of the net with precision and pace; 2) a full-fledged flop at the World Cup in 2002 (see above aftermath photograph). In said incident, a Turkish player fired the ball at Rivaldo's legs while the Brazilian was awaiting a corner, to which Rivaldo responded by grabbing his face and hitting the deck. This despicable act got the Turkish player sent off in a precious group match. For this sole incident, Rivaldo deserves to be labeled a baby.

Robinho AC Milan
He cried his way out of Madrid. He cried his way out of Manchester. I'm sure he's already cried once or twice when he hasn't gotten his way in Milan. Robinho is such a baby and wants his snack! Watching the twinkle-toed Brazilian can be awe-inspiring at one moment and extremely frustrating the next. His constant complaining, sulking, and flailing make him a huge cry baby of the sport.

Samuel Eto'o Inter Milan
I was very surprised to learn that Eto'o is a big baby. I had not witnessed his unbelievable tantrums until he transferred to Inter. Given what I know now, I can hardly watch him playing without wanting to jump in the TV and make baby crying noises at him. This character who threatened quit Cameron days before the World Cup after receiving (*gasp) criticism, can be seen on a weekly basis disagreeing with everything a Serie A ref has to say by flailing, stamping, and complaining.

Luca Toni Juventus
"Ma noooooooo" is Luca Toni's term of choice that must be burned in the minds of every Serie A referee and center back, since he says it every single time he is touched by a human being and doesn't get a call. He is not the worst candidate on this list, but the Italian hitman is always playing the honest school boy who feels he should be getting his way.

El Hadji Diouf Blackburn
Not only is Diouf a ridiculous baby who wants his milk, he's also a huge jerk! He reportedly lashed out at QPR's Jamie Mackie, telling him "f**k you and f**k your leg" after the striker had just broken his leg. Nice guy. He also called Jamie Carragher "a brand of ketchup" and is known for spitting at fans and players. What is wrong with this man? When things fail to go Diouf's way, his motive is to wile out in a tantrum and antagonize others.

Fernando Torres Liverpool
Someone needs to give this lad a hug. Torres always looks unbelievably miserable when things are not going his way. He's like the pouty little girl I pointed out in a previous post. It seems that the permanaent look of disappointment will remain etched on Torres' face for the rest of the year, given Liverpool's dreadful form. Hang in there little buddy!

Cuauhtemoc Blanco Mexico
The plus sized Mexican always seems to be scowling and howling his way around the pitch. At times, I can't tell if he's chewing on a tough piece of meat or just hungirly arguing with the referee and/or opposition. Blanco storms around the field and tends to slam his big frame to the ground upon the smallest gale of wind. Strange, for such a big man. I dislike this enemy of the USA very much.

Nicolas Anelka Chelsea
Even after scoring a goal and doing his ridiculous 'peacock hands' celebration, Nicolas Anelka has a sour look on his face. The Frenchman, infamously nicknamed Le Sulk, is the sulkiest player in world football. It seems impossible to make this man happy. I can only imagine what his personal life is like. His friends must be all sad middle-aged men, sad mimes, and sad clowns. Cheer up Anelka, you're netting millions this year.

Cristiano Ronaldo Real Madrid
There's no denying it: Cristiano Ronaldo is the most annoying player on the planet. Hell, even referees agree. Ronaldo crumbles to the ground numerous times during the course of a match and has absolute tantrums when he does not get calls or the ball from his teammates. Mix that with his huge ego and you have a dangerous baby with a loaded diapy ready to explode.

Dishonorable mention goes to: Joe Cole, Sergio Ramos, Felipe Melo, Francesco Totti (sorry Capitano), Vincenzo Iaquinta, Pippo Inzaghi, and the Italian people in general.

Please let me know what you think about my list and as always, share your suggestions for biggest baby in world football. Thanks for reading and stay tuned for more from Sensible Soccer


  1. Diouf is a sewer rat.

  2. rafael of man utd startin to get that way

  3. totally. I thought his mommy was going to have to pull him off the field by his ear after receiving his red! def a dishonorable mention.

  4. some of these guys can learn a thing or two from Messi. watch this video:

  5. what about Nani and his antics? You couldnt like him even if you breast fed him!

    and i agree Diouf is a rampant tramp! though i don't think a baby

  6. totally agree about Nani..he always looks like a child who's just been yelled at by dad.

    And sweet video, Serginho.