Monday, January 24, 2011

Illustrious Italian Hair: Choose Your Favorite!

What is it with Italians and their beautiful hair? Every time I watch the Serie A, I am captivated by wonderful Italian locks. Could it be the water in Italy? Perhaps the beautiful lifestyle? Possibly the babying of Italian men by their mothers until age 32? Whatever the reason, Sensible Soccer would like to present to you some Illustrious Italian Hair:

Francesco Totti AS Roma
Number one in my heart, number one on this list. Totti's hair, cerca 2004, was incredible. His silky smooth mane made watching him even better, especially when fast enough to blow by opponents, leaving only well maintained hair in his wake. Unfortunately, like Samson in the Bible, Totti's abilities have diminished as his hair has. Grow it out, Capitano!

Luca Toni Juventus
I've never tried so hard to get my hair to look like someone else's until I learned of Luca Toni's existence. The towering striker's awesome short-long hair is at its best when goals are scored. When Toni wheels away in celebration his locks gain new life and ferociously taunt the opposition. I wonder what kind of shampoo he uses?

Andrea Pirlo AC Milan
Pirlo's beautifully sleek hair sways gracefully during the course of a match as it follows loyally behind the wily midfielder's tracking runs. His fine hair, which looks sort of like Jesus as an 80s rocker with side burns, makes for a stylish 90 minutes.

Bruno Conti AS Roma
The famed fleet-footed winger had quite the lion-head! Not only did he flash his locks for the Giallorossi, but he put them on display while lifting the World Cup with Italy in 1982. To this day, Conti still maintains his aggressive mane on the sidelines as one of Roma's Directors.

Paolo Maldini AC Milan 
The legendary defender who patrolled the Milan back-line for over 20 years, also boasts hair a barber would be proud of. Maldini, who shows his hair off all over Europe in H&M ads, evidently cared greatly for his hair during his long career, in efforts to solidify his presence on billboards, post-calcio. Smart ragazzo.

Alessandro Del Piero Juventus
Ale Del Piero has a true gentleman's hair cut. He must carry a standard comb with him everywhere! Not to mention it looks like he shaves with an old fashioned knife razor! Pinturicchio always sports cool hair, short or long, and must feel obligated to, since he is an Italian icon and fan favorite in Turin.

Gianluigi Buffon Juventus
No player has the clean-cut, school boyish look that Gigi Buffon does. The World Cup champion is as intense about his hairdo as he is about the organization of his wall. Every single hair is primped with a fine-toothed comb in order to portray a jovial side while Gigi screams at his defense.

Roberto Baggio La Nazionale
Baggio, well known by his nickname Il Divin Codino (The Divine Ponytail), is the definitive Illustrious Italian Hair trendsetter. In the 90s, at least 75% of Italians fashioned their hair after the great hitman's divine-do (even the women). Aside from his goal scoring prowess, Baggio's powerful ponytail was the staple of his career.

Who now wants hair like someone on this list?! I think I'll strive for the Ale Del Piero in the next few months. If it doesn't work out, I'll go for Ale's cut, circa 2006. Choose your favorite, if you dare, and as always, send me your suggestions!


  1. This is great but when should I be expecting a Portland timbers inauguration season preview edition?

  2. Yes! I've been waiting for this post. As much I'd like to vote for Baggio, in truth, no one comes close to Pirlo. Don't know how he does it.

  3. Pirlo is totally a rockstar. He makes having awesome hair look so easy.

    And could there be a 2011 MLS Expansion Preview in the cards?? I'd say so. Great idea...perhaps you two could be my consultants on all issues Portland Timbers? I know the Sounders are big rivals, but are the Whitecaps and Timbers rivals? It's sort of regional. Also, I'm thinking of becoming a Timbers fan...

  4. Being a Timbers fan is a great idea. And the Whitecaps, Timbers and Sounders are definitely rivals. When all three teams were in the USL they would compete against one another in the unofficial Cascadia Cup (created by supporters of each team). The fans donated money and bought a trophy that was awarded to the team that had the best record against the other two for the year. The past two years, it's just been Portland and Vancouver competing (the Timbers won both years). Now that all the teams are back together in the MLS, the Cascadia Cup is going to be reinstated in full effect!

  5. Awesome! I hate the Sounders and I already feel like I hate the Whitecaps. I heard the Whitecaps want to sign Hargreaves, who I hate, which adds to my Whitecaps hate. Lets go Timbers.

  6. oh man, roberto baggio. brings back memories of FIFA 99 for Nintendo 64. he was a BEAST in that game.